Term 2 Week 3
2016
W.A.L.T recall events through the eyes of an animal
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when my recount has a
- Title
- Orientation: When? Who? Where? Why?
- Sequence of events: What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
- Personal Comment: How did the events make you feel?
First Draft
In 2014 It was beautiful day in South Africa. We were lying out in the nice afternoon sun waiting for some buffalos to come, so we can eat them because we are hungry. We are so hungry but we might go and eat the precious buffalo because the precious buffalo is slow at running but we are first atr running
SECOND
DRAFT
In 2015 Some little and big calves were walking down my river bank. They are staring at me and my 5 boys. We were excited to go and get the calve because we are HUNGRY. I am ready to get the calve.
We attacked the buffalo and tackled the calf into the water. We have the calve but we will eat it beside my river. I see my river moving fast and it’s getting closer and closer. SNAP!!! A crocodile snapped my leg . Me and the crocodile were having a tiger war over the calf because we are all hungry.But it is my dinner and my 5 boys dinner. We dragged the calf out of the water.
Then we started to hear something stomping. Then we saw a herd of buffalo running towards us. I think they came because we hunted one of their precious buffalo. The buffalos were bumping into me then they started to run at me with there horns coming threw me.
I am trying to run away because a herd of buffalos are chasing me UHHHHHH!!!.
I thought I was going to die. I smell buffalos. When me and my brothers ate one of the buffalos it tasted like meat. My brothers are getting hurt from the buffalos I might go and save them before they die. The buffalo were seriously hurting my brothers but I save them because i don’t want them to die.
In 2016 me and my brothers were ok from getting hurt by a herd of buffalos in 2015
Wow Aisa, I really like your recount because you put the first draft above the second draft. I like how you said "I am trying to run away because a herd of buffaloes are chasing me UHHHHHH!!!". You can make sure you don't put a space down before you are doing a full stop.
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ReplyDeletewow aisa that was a fantastic story but I think part that you need to change is. go after the baby calf because it is week at running but we are fast at running. And we are happy to eat the valve. Guys we can’t eat if a crocodile is trying to steal our dinner. Me and my brothers are going to have a of fight with the crocodile.
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